Shared Identities in Therapy: How Finding the Right Match Can Make a Difference

By Flora Roman, Therapist in Training

Therapy can be a transformative journey, one that often requires a deep level of trust and openness between you and your therapist. A significant aspect of this relationship can be the sharing of identities, such as race, gender, sexual orientation, and cultural background that shape who we are. While sharing these aspects can be beneficial in enhancing the therapeutic experience, it’s important to understand that it is not the only option available. Let’s explore the benefits of sharing your identities and why it’s okay if you choose not to.

The Benefits of Sharing Identities

Strengthening the Therapeutic Alliance

Building a strong therapeutic alliance is crucial for successful therapy. Sharing identities can help foster trust and rapport between you and your therapist. Having a therapist who shares your identities can potentially mean they understand narratives and cultural nuances that others may not have otherwise understood, they may have deeper empathy due to the relatability of your circumstances/lived experiences, and the therapist can reflect parts of yourself, which in turn can validate your feelings and experiences, reinforcing that you’re not alone in your struggles. When you feel understood on multiple levels, it can deepen the connection and make you feel more comfortable engaging in difficult conversations. When you share your identities with your therapist, it allows them to gain a deeper understanding of your experiences and challenges. For instance, discussing how your cultural background influences your worldview can help your therapist tailor their approach to better meet your needs. This sharing fosters empathy, enabling them to connect with you on a more personal level.

Language

When you communicate in your native language, you’re more likely to express your thoughts and feelings accurately. Moreover, speaking in a familiar language can create a sense of safety and ease. You may feel more comfortable sharing sensitive or personal issues when you’re not struggling with language barriers. Another detail is that language often carries cultural nuances, phrases, and expressions that are specific to your background. A therapist who understands these subtleties can provide more culturally-informed support, recognizing how your cultural identity influences your experiences and emotions. Similarly, some emotions are best articulated in one’s native language, where you might find specific words or phrases that resonate more deeply. This can lead to richer discussions about feelings, helping the therapist understand your emotional landscape better.

Enhanced Understanding and Empathy

When you share your identities with your therapist, it allows them to gain a deeper understanding of your experiences and challenges. There’s a variety of reasons why this can be important for your treatment. For one, when therapists understand your background, cultural context, and specific challenges related to your identities, they can provide more relevant insights and interventions. In other words, discussing how your cultural background influences your worldview can help your therapist tailor their approach to better meet your needs. This is supported by research that shows some evidence that culturally adapted treatments, and even simplistic cultural adaptations to mental health interventions, such as language and ethnic match, can benefit minority clients. Overall, this sharing fosters empathy, enabling them to connect with you on a more personal level.

A Safe Space for Exploration

I think it’s important to define safety in a clinical setting. A safe therapeutic environment is one that respects confidentiality and encourages open communication and vulnerability so you can express your thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment. Sharing your identities can add to creating a safe environment for discussing related issues, such as systemic discrimination, societal expectations, or internalized stigma. As stated before, the relatability of sharing identities can increase empathy due to cultural understandings since therapists with shared identities are often more aware of the specific challenges faced within those identities, making it easier for them to navigate complex issues and systemic barriers.This openness in discussing sensitive topics and personal experiences can lead to more meaningful conversations about your feelings and experiences, allowing for deeper exploration of how these factors impact your mental health.

Things to Consider when Seeking a Therapist with Shared Identities 

A therapist’s expertise and approach to therapy are equally important, if not more, than shared identity. Therapists without a shared identity can still be effective by remaining aware of cultural differences and developing humility.

Cultural Sensitivity

In an ideal world every therapist would be trained to be culturally competent and sensitive, but that is sadly not the case. However, there is an alternative- therapists who practice cultural humility. Cultural humility is a practice that emphasizes that understanding one’s own cultural biases and those of others is an ongoing process. This mindset encourages therapists and individuals to remain open to learning about different cultures and perspectives. This is important in therapy sessions because it means that therapist will approach people from diverse backgrounds with an open mind, acknowledging their own cultural limitations, and actively seeking to learn from clients about their experiences, rather than assuming they fully understand a client’s cultural context, with the goal it will lead to a more respectful and effective therapeutic relationship. Also, there are inherent power imbalances that exist in therapeutic relationships, so cultural humility involves recognizing and addressing these power imbalances and being aware of their privilege to create a more safe space for clients like discussed earlier. What does this all look like for you though? It’s about recognizing that the therapist doesn’t have all the answers but collaborates with you, valuing the unique expertise that you bring from your own life experiences.

Empathy and Listening Skills

Effective therapy relies heavily on empathy, active listening, and the ability to create a safer space. These skills do not depend on shared identities. These skills come from the therapist’s commitment to understanding and validating the client’s experiences.

When Have Shared Identities Can Make Things Challenging

Identity, whether consciously or unconsciously, plays a role in finding a therapist who you deem a good fit. In therapy,”fit”refers to the compatibility between a client and their therapist. A good fit often involves a strong rapport and trust between the client and therapist, allowing for open communication and vulnerability. Moreover, many individuals tend to think that the ideal approach is to find a therapist who shares, resembles, or has overlapping identities- whether related to race, ethnicity, gender, sexuality, or other significant aspects-often considering different intersecting combinations of these identities. With that said, there are aspects of shared identity that create relational conflict. While a therapist from the same culture may have pre-existing knowledge, this isn’t always an advantage. Their understanding might stem from experiences that differ significantly from yours. In fact, there can be more differences than one might assume. Even within the same race or ethnicity, variations in cultural or religious backgrounds and socioeconomic status can lead to distinct lived experiences. The same applies to differences in sexuality or gender. When therapists and clients share similar identities, there can be a tendency to assume knowledge that may stifle curiosity and this can occur from both you and the therapist’s side.

Another thing to consider is the potential for conformity. You may feel pressure to conform to perceived expectations associated with a shared identity.This can stifle open communication and discourage you from expressing thoughts or feelings that differ from those of the therapist, limiting the exploration of your unique experiences.

Conclusion

The biggest takeaway is that there are no “right” or “wrong” ways to choose a therapist. As an individual you have unique needs and you should find a therapist you deem a good fit. For some, it is absolutely essential and a requirement for their therapist to have a shared identity with them, while others may not share that sentiment. As discussed in this blog, there are a multitude of reasons how finding a therapist with a shared identity can be beneficial, as well as how shared identities can sometimes impede therapy. Remember, your therapy experience is uniquely yours- embrace it in a way that feels right for you.