Turning the Page: When Self-Help Books Aren’t Enough
By Aris Suriel, Therapist in Training
It can feel like there’s an endless supply of advice to tackle my problems – countless podcasts, limitless online resources and rows of self-help books promising solutions to all kinds of personal issues. But at what point does self-help just not cut it anymore? When might it be better to seek out a therapist to reach our goals?
Here are some of my own reflections on how I realized it might be time to go beyond self-help and explore the benefits of working with a therapist.
When Self-Help Isn’t Enough for Real Healing
Self-help books can provide great tips and insights for day-to-day challenges and can give you a sense of control, knowing you’re actively doing something to tackle an issue. However, if your feelings and struggles seem rooted in deeper issues—like long-standing patterns, unresolved trauma, or the influence of your social environment—therapy can offer a space to dive into these areas more effectively than self-help alone. These deeper issues might stem from personal relationships, such as attachment styles or family dynamics, or be shaped by systemic factors like racism, sexism, or economic inequality, which influence both your environment and opportunities. A therapist is trained to help you explore complex emotions and past experiences in a safe, supportive environment. The best part? You don’t have to go through it alone.
Example: If you’re reading up on strategies to improve time management but still struggle with meeting deadlines, a therapist can help you look beyond the surface and address the underlying factors affecting your habits, thoughts, and actions around time management.
When You Need Personalized Support
Self-help books are designed for a broad audience, kind of like a big box clothing store where you can find an outfit that fits, but it’s not tailored to you. Therapy, on the other hand, is like a made-to-measure suit—it’s personalized to your specific needs, goals, and life context. A therapist works with you to understand what truly matters to you and tailors their approach to support your unique situation, offering guidance that’s directly relevant to your life.
Example: While a book might suggest general exercises to reduce anxiety, those techniques may or may not work for you. A therapist can guide you through personalized coping strategies, adjusting them as your needs change to ensure they truly fit your unique situation.
When You Want a Collaborative Environment
In my experience, self-help can feel isolating—just you, a book, and your thoughts. There were many times I wondered if I was doing things “right,” but without anyone to ask, I was left with lingering insecurities about my progress. Therapy, however, is a collaborative experience where you’re encouraged to share openly and get constructive feedback. You have someone in your corner, ready to listen, ask the tough questions, and support you through measurable growth, change, and accountability.
When You’re Ready to Invest in Yourself
I rarely go back to re-read any self-help book I’ve bought. It’s usually a one-time deal, read and done. Both self-help books and therapy require time, energy, and often money. But unlike a book, therapy is an ongoing journey that adapts to your needs and helps create lasting change. The accountability and support of a therapist often lead to sustainable growth over time.
Example: If you’re finding it difficult to stay motivated or if your actions aren’t bringing you closer to your goals, a therapist can help you set realistic objectives and hold you accountable along the way.